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THE LCD SOLUTION

Here’s How to Answer Relatives Who Seek Free Legal Advice

BY SEAN CARTER

The fool asks the wise for advice; the wise ask the experienced. Unfortunately, everyone else seems to ask their lawyer friends. It seems that perhaps the one thing more popular than lawyer bashing is lawyer asking.

We are constantly barraged for free legal advice by friends and family members. I sometimes wonder if other professionals are treated similarly. For instance, I wonder if a podiatrist has to spend his Thanksgiving examining his in-laws’ smelly feet. And if so, does he then have to endure a podiatrist joke for his troubles? For some reason, I doubt it. However, this is the kind of treatment we lawyers are subjected to on a regular basis.

These requests for free advice are particularly unnerving when they concern a field of law outside of your area of expertise.

For instance, let’s suppose you are a patent lawyer and your Aunt Bessie asks for advice in a landlord-tenant dispute. Needless to say, you are completely clueless about property law. However, you don’t want to admit this to Aunt Bessie because you know she will say something like, "Well, Mr. Big Shot, you’d think that if they pay you enough to drive that fancy-schmantzy car, they’d teach you a little something about real law."

In these situations, it’s incredibly tempting to do the irresponsible thing and give uninformed advice.

Fortunately, I’ve discovered a better way to deal with the Aunt Bessies of the world. I call it the "LCD strategy." And at the outset, I want to warn you that the LCD strategy may seem unfair, but as the old saying goes, all is fair in love, war and dealing with your in-laws.

The "L" in LCD stands for Latin. In law school, we learned many Latin phrases that have no meaning in the real practice of law. Here is a situation where you can put that knowledge to work for you.

Sure, you may not know the law controlling Aunt Bessie’s landlord/tenant dispute, but you do know a little Latin, so use it. "Well, Aunt Bessie, your dispute all comes down to a simple question of res ipsa loquitur. If the situs locus of the property is in rem, as opposed to in personam, and the res judicata is subject to a writ of habeas corpus, then the case should be decided nolo contendere."

In most cases, Aunt Bessie will say something like, "Wow! That seems a little complicated. Perhaps I’ll just ask my tenant for the rent again next Tuesday."

However, sometimes Uncle Bert won’t be dissuaded so easily. It may then become necessary to move to the "C" level–Complication. If Uncle Bert asks you to translate your "L" answer into English, then by all means do so. However, don’t use regular English, use lawyer English.

"Well, Uncle Bert, it’s actually quite simple. The party of the first part is in privity of contract with the party of the second part. As a result thereof, an offer, acceptance and consideration can be inferred, if not in law, then certainly in equity. Notwithstanding the foregoing. …"

What you say here is not so important. The important thing is to keep talking and to make sure that you use enough "wherebys," "thereofs," and "notwithstandings" to make your former law professors proud. As for poor Uncle Bert, he will either give up on understanding you or suffer an aneurysm in the attempt. Either way, he won’t be asking you for more free legal advice anytime soon.

Of course, there will be times when using Latin and Complication will not be practical. After all, you may not want to cause irreparable brain injury to your sister’s husband, particularly if, like my brother-in-law, he owes you money. In that case, you will have to move to the last prong of the LCD strategy–Denial.

Let’s face it. Your loved ones could care less about knowing the law. They simply want to know if they can lawfully do what they are going to do anyway (or have already done). So all you have to do is find out what answer they want to hear, and then tell them the opposite. They will then dismiss you as a crackpot and seek the advice of another attorney (one they will actually have to pay).

As you can see, the LCD strategy is a lifesaver. It will save you hours of performing free legal work, prevent you from engaging in legal malpractice, and, if you’re lucky, it may even get you banned from your spouse’s next family reunion.

Now, that’s what I call good advice.

Sean Carter is a "Humorist at Law" who comments on law-related news on his Web site lawpsided.com and at speaking events. He can be contacted at lawpsided@msn.com.


©2004 ABA Journal

Senator Hillary Clinton was flying cross-country last night and had to make a crash landing in Texas. She was unhurt but reporters were able to get the attached picture of the wreckage before it was hauled away.

dissimulation
[a. OF. dissimulation (12th c. in Hatz.-Darm.), ad. L. dissimultin-em, n. of action from dissimulre: see DISSIMULE.]

1. The action of dissimulating or dissembling; concealment of what really is, under a feigned semblance of something different; feigning, hypocrisy.

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chicanery
[a. F. chicanerie, in Littré the earliest exemplified member of the group, implying however the existence of the vb. chicaner and n. chicaneur as its source: see -ERY. Formerly more completely anglicized as chicanry.]

1. Legal trickery, pettifogging, abuse of legal forms; the use of subterfuge and trickery in debate or action; quibbling, sophistry, trickery.

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sophistry, n.
[a. OF. sophistrie (mod.F. sophisterie, = Sp., It. sofisteria), or ad. med.L. sophistria: see SOPHIST and -RY.]

1. Specious but fallacious reasoning; employment of arguments which are intentionally deceptive.

Patterns of Migration

By the third quarter of the seventeenth century the British slave trade had become fully established, forcibly transporting black Africans to the recently established colonies of the West Indies and North America. In the process huge fortunes were amassed by both traders and plantation owners. By the beginning of the eighteenth century, many wealthy and successful plantation owners had begun to return to London with their fortunes and frequently with their personal slaves. Young and "exotic" black servants dressed in a metal collar and extravagant Oriental costume became an almost necessary fashion accessory for London's powerful elites. As a result, by mid-century black men and women had become a relatively familiar sight on the streets of London.

Large numbers of black Londoners also arrived as a result of their involvement as sailors in the merchant navy and as soldiers and sailors in Britain's military. Following the cessation of hostilities at the conclusions of the Seven Years War in 1763 and the American War in 1781 many black men, among them a large group of Loyalists from North America, were discharged on to the streets of Britain's ports, forming the country's first coherent black communities.

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