librarians without borders

THE LCD SOLUTION

Here’s How to Answer Relatives Who Seek Free Legal Advice

BY SEAN CARTER

The fool asks the wise for advice; the wise ask the experienced. Unfortunately, everyone else seems to ask their lawyer friends. It seems that perhaps the one thing more popular than lawyer bashing is lawyer asking.

We are constantly barraged for free legal advice by friends and family members. I sometimes wonder if other professionals are treated similarly. For instance, I wonder if a podiatrist has to spend his Thanksgiving examining his in-laws’ smelly feet. And if so, does he then have to endure a podiatrist joke for his troubles? For some reason, I doubt it. However, this is the kind of treatment we lawyers are subjected to on a regular basis.

These requests for free advice are particularly unnerving when they concern a field of law outside of your area of expertise.

For instance, let’s suppose you are a patent lawyer and your Aunt Bessie asks for advice in a landlord-tenant dispute. Needless to say, you are completely clueless about property law. However, you don’t want to admit this to Aunt Bessie because you know she will say something like, "Well, Mr. Big Shot, you’d think that if they pay you enough to drive that fancy-schmantzy car, they’d teach you a little something about real law."

In these situations, it’s incredibly tempting to do the irresponsible thing and give uninformed advice.

Fortunately, I’ve discovered a better way to deal with the Aunt Bessies of the world. I call it the "LCD strategy." And at the outset, I want to warn you that the LCD strategy may seem unfair, but as the old saying goes, all is fair in love, war and dealing with your in-laws.

The "L" in LCD stands for Latin. In law school, we learned many Latin phrases that have no meaning in the real practice of law. Here is a situation where you can put that knowledge to work for you.

Sure, you may not know the law controlling Aunt Bessie’s landlord/tenant dispute, but you do know a little Latin, so use it. "Well, Aunt Bessie, your dispute all comes down to a simple question of res ipsa loquitur. If the situs locus of the property is in rem, as opposed to in personam, and the res judicata is subject to a writ of habeas corpus, then the case should be decided nolo contendere."

In most cases, Aunt Bessie will say something like, "Wow! That seems a little complicated. Perhaps I’ll just ask my tenant for the rent again next Tuesday."

However, sometimes Uncle Bert won’t be dissuaded so easily. It may then become necessary to move to the "C" level–Complication. If Uncle Bert asks you to translate your "L" answer into English, then by all means do so. However, don’t use regular English, use lawyer English.

"Well, Uncle Bert, it’s actually quite simple. The party of the first part is in privity of contract with the party of the second part. As a result thereof, an offer, acceptance and consideration can be inferred, if not in law, then certainly in equity. Notwithstanding the foregoing. …"

What you say here is not so important. The important thing is to keep talking and to make sure that you use enough "wherebys," "thereofs," and "notwithstandings" to make your former law professors proud. As for poor Uncle Bert, he will either give up on understanding you or suffer an aneurysm in the attempt. Either way, he won’t be asking you for more free legal advice anytime soon.

Of course, there will be times when using Latin and Complication will not be practical. After all, you may not want to cause irreparable brain injury to your sister’s husband, particularly if, like my brother-in-law, he owes you money. In that case, you will have to move to the last prong of the LCD strategy–Denial.

Let’s face it. Your loved ones could care less about knowing the law. They simply want to know if they can lawfully do what they are going to do anyway (or have already done). So all you have to do is find out what answer they want to hear, and then tell them the opposite. They will then dismiss you as a crackpot and seek the advice of another attorney (one they will actually have to pay).

As you can see, the LCD strategy is a lifesaver. It will save you hours of performing free legal work, prevent you from engaging in legal malpractice, and, if you’re lucky, it may even get you banned from your spouse’s next family reunion.

Now, that’s what I call good advice.

Sean Carter is a "Humorist at Law" who comments on law-related news on his Web site lawpsided.com and at speaking events. He can be contacted at lawpsided@msn.com.


©2004 ABA Journal